Gautam was enjoying his evening tea post a siesta on Sunday, and catching up on TOI’s Sunday edition. Suddenly he saw a look of minor pain on his wife, Geetika’s face. Sensing that she may be having some physical discomfort, he asked her whether all was well. With an apparent sense of dissatisfaction, Geetika said “There is nothing good happening in our lives”. Gautam was left confused. They had recently come back from a relaxing international vacation which had been customised per Geetika’s directions who was a huge travel lover. They had moved into their own house (a nice flat with a garden view and a common swimming pool) about a year back, and all seemed well on that front. They had a cute infant who was the star of the colony. Gautam could not understand Geetika’s assertion, and probed further giving these data points (logical reasoning was his area of strength even in the CAT exams he had cleared almost a decade back).

 

Geetika pointed out- all my friends are having a ball of a time. They are going to exotic destinations, partying and doing a lot of fun stuff- she said, showing her facebook account. True to what she said, one post from her friend in Melbourne mentioned of the huge 5BHK they had recently purchased. Another friend in Scotland had posted pictures of a theme party she had organized at her house. Her friend in Nigeria, she said, seems to be traveling every quarter to all parts of the globe. Even her Indian friends seemed to be doing funky stuff like starting new enterprises or buying expensive cars, or “stuff like that”

 

It did not take Gautam too much time to realize that the problem was not with their lives but with facebook induced relativity. And I am sure, there are thousands of Geetika’s (across males and females) out there. Most of us would feel happy to hear good things about our friends and their lives. However, this steady feed of achievements or good news of everyone somewhere leads to a self-doubt or a feeling of missing out the good things in our life, which can be quite a depressing experience.

 

Facebook and similar social media  have an element of self-centricity and do drive people to communicate boastfully about themselves. In part this is because of the realization that sharing pain or similar emotions is looked down upon or ignored and that further adds to the pain. This is also because a lot of the pain in our lives is because of smaller things- minor illnesses, bad days at office, the maid not turning up.  Imagine sharing this on your FB wall, and people’s reactions! On the contrary, the joys are largely linked to bigger things- buying something expensive, promotions, travel etc. Generally, these things are more periodic. However, if you are well connected on facebook, especially with a geographically or culturally diverse set, some such thing is likely to be happening in the lives of a reasonable number of your “friends”.

 

Given the above, it is quite likely the case that the content of facebook is biased towards celebratory happenings in the life of people. These announcements may get a lot of likes, but the irony is that instead of bringing joy to the lives of the “friends”, cumulatively at least, they seem to have a contrary effect.

 

Another closely related trend is a complex sense of competitiveness intricately linked with “showing off”.  It is quite common for people to now take pictures solely for the purpose of putting it on their FB account. I am sure things do not end here, and there are enough number of people who have started doing things just for the world to know through this social platform.

 

A close friend of mine impatiently keeps on refreshing her page once she posts anything on FB to see who all are liking and commenting on the same. Worse, she gets disappointed if not enough people have liked the same.

 

Of course, facebook has its own benefits and charms. Millions of users across the world are not hooked on to it for nothing. However, one needs to realize that it is a great connecting tool and that’s it. Let us not let it interfere our view of ourselves and further add to complications to our complex lives. If you think more deeply the weakness lies within- facebook is just a medium which has exposed it in a manner which makes it more vulnerable.

 

Let me end with a quote from the Roman emperor and Stoic Philosopher, Marcus Aurelius: “How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbour says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.”