It had been a long day with multiple back to back meetings, as was typical of Swapnil’s travel schedule. He was tired but found it difficult to sleep- possibly the effect of numerous cups of coffees and teas during the meetings. Not knowing what better to do in the solitary confines of his hotel room, he switched on the television. He was just flipping channels, when he noticed this advertisement-“ Have I made it large”? He was a teetotaler and the context had no relevance, but the question was interesting ! In simple terms, the question was, “am I successful?”

Being a logic- driven and objective person, instead of trying to answer himself in a yes or no, he tried to build rational criteria around this question. Ideally, he felt a successful person is one who gets to do more of what he wants rather than what others want him to do. However, he realized that this would be a difficult tool to measure success, as most decisions in life are not singular- they have multiple reasons behind them. Also, some people enjoy certain powers because of their birth or reasons which have little to do with their efforts and abilities- such a measure would make them appear more successful than they really are. He figured out that to get an unbiased answer, he needed to evaluate things against a tangible benchmark.

In order to develop the same, he thought about his first tryst with success as a student. It was his Class VI result, when he had stood first in the class. Why did he think of himself as successful then? Having topped the class obviously meant having succeeded. But then he realized that in his Class XIIth exam, he did not feel as successful in spite of standing first in his class, because he felt he should have got more marks in a couple of papers.

Effectively, he concluded, the measure of success is not absolute - it is an exercise in relativity. You need to outperform others or your expectations. He tried to take the logic to the next level – which of these two is more relevant? The answer, he figured out, is contextual. Where one is looking at success from one’s own perspective, it is your criterion which is relevant. However, when one is looking at being successful in the other people’s view, it is their criteria which are more relevant! But generally, one thinks of success in the context of others- he concluded. “This makes the judgement of my success more dependent on others than I had thought- an external event !” he said to himself, as if some piece of wisdom had suddenly dawned upon him.

He flipped to an english news channel- he found it more entertaining than the entertainment channels, what with the crazy love for breaking news and highlighting all random things! The news flash managed to surprise him though as one of the few Hollywood actors he could recognize had passed away, and unconfirmed sources thought of it as a suicide. Swapnil had watched one of this actor’s famous movie ‘s, which had a moving motivational speech.

Maybe it was his earlier chain of thoughts, which further intrigued him about success in the context of celebrity suicides. These were famous people, generally rich and powerful too. Most of them had a stature in life which commoners could only aspire for. Yet, these people chose to end their lives. Why?

Swapnil realized that each of our lives is unique and its circumstances make it even more difficult for an outsider to understand. Also, when it comes to matters of people’s lives, it is probably not fair to generalize things. In spite of these, he tried to think through these events and draw a meaning for himself and other commoners.

Yes, many of these celebrities were post their prime in terms of recent highs, but they were still very successful. After initially confusing thoughts, he concluded that either success is so difficult to part with, that you cannot handle losing even a part of it. Or, there is more to life than just success. Which one of the two was correct- he could not come to a conclusion.

One of his friends, Manoj, used to send him motivational messages on whatsapp once in a while. He remembered a piece about success a few days back. Looking back through earlier messages- he saw " I define success as happiness. If you are happy, then you are successful."

The thought sounded appealing. But he questioned- are these the same thing? Not really. Happiness is a state of mind, which is clearly internal as against success, which is more external, as he had concluded a while back. Given that the perspectives were different, you could be happy and not successful, and vice versa, he concluded.

He remembered a message exchange with a senior of his at business school, several years into their jobs. At business school, this senior had always wanted to work at a particular consulting firm. His determination had seen him achieve the same. Not only that, he had gone ahead and become a partner in the firm. After all these years, they connected via facebook. When Swapnil congratulated his senior for his achievements, the senior confided that he was probably happier in b-school, as he knew what he wanted. Now he was not so sure.

He also thought about an uncle of his, who had retired as a junior level bank executive after 30 years of service. Coming from a very educated and well to do family, he was the least successful amongst his brothers. However, he believed in enjoying life to the fullest, was always content and cheerful and added color to any get-together he joined.

So what should one pursue- happiness or success. Elementary…my dear Swapnil- it is my life, so my choices are the ones that are relevant. Why bother about success, if happiness is what matters.

But ever the optimist, he asked himself, can one get both? Yes, if what you do to make you happy leads to success, one could have both. Hmm…probably that’s the reason my friend who has made a mark in the world of private equity still looks youngest in the batch, in spite of such a hectic schedule and almost always being on the move.

What next for himself to get to both of these…..he was about to get into a fresh chain of thoughts, when he concluded that it was well past midnight, and he was better off getting some sleep before another hectic day ahead.