Rajiv was in the middle of a business meeting, when his phone vibrated. It was his wife Seema calling. He disconnected the call and carried on with his discussion. In a matter of seconds, his phone was vibrating again. He realised Seema would have messaged whatever was in her mind. Once done with the meeting, Rajiv checked the “whatsapp” messages.

“Team dinner tonight. Will you be able to come home by 8.30pm”

“Keen to attend- try and make it please”

Rajiv looked at his watch. It was 4pm. The commute back would be 1hr 15 mins or so.  He would need to leave by 7 pm for a safety margin, so as to reach home in time to attend to their seven year old son Rohan and release his maid Usha, who had a hardstop at 8.30 pm. Thankfully, today was a lighter day at work. He had a couple of calls to do, but they could wait till tomorrow.

On his way back, Rajiv was reminded of the time when he persuaded Seema to focus on her career post marriage and reach a certain level before they decide to go the family way. Seema had done her management degree with specialisation in marketing from a premier institute, and Rajiv felt it would be futile not to use this education in the right manner. Seemed like a good decision in retrospect, as Seema had risen up the ranks to a managerial position in her company- a large private sector set up. After Rohan was born, Seema was not sure whether she should go back to work after her extended maternity leave of 8 months. However, Rajiv had convinced her that it was the right thing to do. Together, with the support of a couple of maids and some help from their respective mothers, they had managed through that time too.

Rajiv strongly felt that women should work- especially if they wanted to. It gave them financial freedom, increased their awareness, made them more confident. He was happy for Seema and smiled to himself. The added income helped the family as a whole. They could afford a better lifestyle and indulge more in vacations and other things that money could buy.

His chain of thoughts moved on to his mother. She had been a housewife all her life and an excellent one at that- a devoted wife, an ever-loving mother of two, a gifted cook, a great planner and an all-rounder in most regards. He thanked God for an amazing mother. She was always there for him and his sister, whenever they needed her. Whether it was their studies, their project work or them just falling ill- she was their constant support.

He felt that his dad was lucky to have a wife like his mother, who pampered him a lot. She would cook his favourite food and serve food hot even at wee hours at night, take care of his clothes, do all chores.

Rajiv was left wondering whether Rohan was missing out on something given that he spent more of his awake hours with the maid than with his mother. No one can substitute your mother- Rajiv concluded. He realised how his spiritual leanings were instilled due to the stories he heard from his mother- how his mother’s wise words would come back to him every time he faced a challenge in life. Also, just being together most of the time created a great bond.

Seema adored Rohan, but was always under the subconscious guilt of not being able to spend enough time with him. As a result, possibly in a compensatory gesture, she would gift him multiple toys, do elaborate birthday parties and events etc. Rajiv often feared that this was making Rohan materialistic. She found it difficult to feed him and so found a shortcut in allowing him to watch TV while eating. When she was back from work, she was often attending to official calls or mails, or at times whatsapp from friends- which meant Rohan rarely had her full attention. Also, unlike some neighbouring children whose mothers took them for various classes, it was difficult to make these things work for Rohan. It did not help that Rajiv’s timings did not allow him the ability to take this responsibility. He would leave home early in the morning and typically be back late. They contemplated weekend classes for Rohan but realised that would mean even lesser time with him and each other!

Even as a husband, as compared to his docile and obedient mother, Seema was more independent and assertive. If he came late, he could microwave his food on his own. As regards food favourites they both had varied choices- so sometimes it was his favoured stuff, sometimes hers. Nothing unfair in all this- but it was different. Different from what he had experienced all his life as a child. Unconsciously, that had stayed with him.

It was difficult to have a meaningful uninterrupted conversation with Seema especially on weekdays. First, their timings hardly matched. By the time Rajiv would be back, Seema would typically be busy putting Rohan to bed, and more often than not, sleep in the process. Even if she managed to stay awake, she would be visibly tired, and Rajiv felt it unfair to drag her into the tirades of the day. On weekends, her focus would be on household chores, spending time with Rohan , chatting with her friends and family either on skype, phone or whatsapp. This made getting her undivided attention a difficult proposition. Also, somewhere he felt that an aggressive persona required for her to fulfil her job had rubbed on to Seema in her personal life as well. She had become less patient as a listener and more demanding as a person.

Work challenges were not her alone. On his part, Rajiv had even more demanding work pressures. Also, he was a more social person by nature which meant he liked to retain touch with old friends etc. Because of these demands, it would be weeks before they could find enough enthusiasm and energy for intimate moments.

Once in a while when Seema would argue on things- and she did put her point across on almost all things, Rajiv would be like- Mom would not have done this. She would have listened more attentively and even if she had things to say, she would be more polite and less hassled.

Rajiv was very proud of Seema being able to juggle the multiple hats and do so reasonably well. He realised how demanding life was for Seema. She was handling her career demands, Rohan’s requirements, Rajiv’s requests and household affairs. Never easy to handle all this and get it all right- but she was doing a good job across. Rajiv also was trying his best to support her in whatever way, but felt there was much more to be done, especially when it came to Rohan. Overall, Rajiv felt their life needed more balance overall.  However, in this country where there were lakhs who would do everything to replace you, balance was illusory.

Possibly he felt a gap in his life because his was the generation which was seeing the transformation- of the wife moving from a home-maker to a working person. Maybe if his mother had also been working, he would not have thought much about it. Perhaps it will be the norm when Rohan grows up, and they will find a way to work things out better.

But then, maybe marriage as an institution the way we understand may never remain ….he mused !