Over the last 200 years, physical life has gradually become easier, thanks to our ability to better manage food, temperature, health and other necessities. However, the demands on our mental faculties have multiplied, and in this respect, life has become far more complex. The plethora of choices at hand, the amount of data available, and the distractions of social media, have ensured that our brains are always occupied, and our attention span continues to shrink.

While this has many second order impacts, a key one is relationships. We are far more connected with the world and folks who matter, but the depth of our relationships has severely diminished. To flourish, relationships need time, active engagement, patience and compromise (prioritizing others over ourselves). Unfortunately, our minds are so overloaded that nurturing deep relationships is becoming very difficult.

While all relationships have their importance and nuances, the one with our spouse affects us the most. Our lives are so intertwined that their actions and state of mind and body impact us disproportionately.

God/Universe/Nature or whatever you call the super power that ensures there is some order in the world, has a sense of humour. This sense of humour is most apparent when it comes to matchmaking. It is rare meeting a couple who agree on what the temperature in their bedroom should be. If one likes the air conditioner on, the other prefers to keep the windows open! There is a joke in Hindi, if both are okay with the same room temperature, either she is not your wife or she is a new wife! Then there are the early risers who marry late sleepers. People who stay away from social media end up with influencers! This has become fodder for innumerable memes, and the interesting part is that millions of people across the world relate to them.

If you think about it, while economic prosperity has led to the increase in choices, social media has increased awareness and contributed to nuanced opinions. This has resulted in sharper differences amongst views. Interestingly, when one gets married, it is these differences that make us more attractive to each other. Over a period of time, sadly, they become problem areas in relationships.

God has not spared our life of the matchmaking humour. My spouse is a morning person, bubbling with unmatched energy at 5.30 am, preparing exotic food for our son, which ensures that he has something to look forward to every school day. I, on the other hand, like my mornings calm and slow. I am more energetic later in the day, by which time she has lost her magic. She cannot bear the cold, and I cannot stand the heat, so temperature management is a real struggle for us! She relaxes by binge watching OTT shows, while I prefer reading. She posts more stuff on Instagram in a week than I have done in all the years I have been on Instagram (Truth be told, I have not posted anything ever, except playing the role of collaborator to her posts). I am a nature traveller who loves going on treks, and scuba diving, and she is a luxury traveller who loves doing all things touristy. In food and books too, our choices are just opposite. If I like something, almost certainly, she does not!

These obvious differences aside, things get even more complicated because my wife is a superwoman! She is super disciplined; works out every day, and ensures seven hours of sleep every night. She is obsessed with cleanliness, so everything is always in order. She may have returned at 3.00 am at night from an international journey, the suitcases will all be emptied before 5.00 am. Even when she is traveling, she still manages to supervise the cook and shops online from where ever in the world she is, to ensure the family gets everything they need.

Did I forget to tell you she is part of the senior management in her organisation, and is a globe trotter who has been to more than 40 countries? She plans her travel on a one-year rolling forward basis; in fact, she plans a whole trip in less time than it takes me to reach home from my office. She reads every day and binge watches TV series on weekends, besides finding time to meet and travel with her besties over long weekends. Her ability to remember people’s preferences and bring apt gifts for them never ceases to amaze me. She is so on top of her game that it feels like she has 48 hours in a day!  While I struggle when it comes to choices, she makes decisions almost instantaneously! She operates at the speed of a trader who executes instantaneously while I am a typical long term investor who likes to take his time! She takes lesser time to buy expensive jewellery than I do to buy an office shirt! I am a total noob when it comes to online shopping or ticketing, and she is an expert. I cannot remember what I had for lunch the previous day, but she has an elephant’s memory. She can see a photograph from 15 years back and say where and when it was taken, including all other ‘relevant’ details. What this also means is that all my mistakes over the last 20 years of us being married are neatly filed and stored in her memory to be accessed real time!

Given her amazing abilities, no matter what I do, I get a feeling that I am not good enough! Now, I am pretty okay in my own right; I coach, blog, run half marathons, meditate and read, besides being a fulltime finance professional. However, just the amount of heavy duty stuff she does makes everything I do seem lighter. I may be a Sahyadri hill, but she is Mount Everest, and the difference is evident every day! I came across this meme on the Internet which I could totally relate to:  “You pray to God to bless you with the right woman, but he sends you a woman who’s so right that you are always wrong!”

So, how does one deal with such a situation? Maybe just like one deals with a situation where you meet a billionaire, or an Olympian, or a celebrity. You admire them, feel inspired, maybe even awed by their presence, but you do not get overwhelmed or start comparing yourself and feeling like a loser. I guess the only way is to be calm and confident about who you are, clear about what you bring to the table, and retaining your objectivity. The next step is using the 3As of coaching; being aware of your differences and what you stand for, accepting yourself in totality, including your limitations, and taking action to be better!