Dheeraj and I were catching up over a coffee, after a while. We were best friends for over 20 years – having stayed and studied together during school and college.  After usual pleasantries, we had a brief catch up on each other’s lives, remembered some old incidents and people and lamented the fact that we met once in a few months in spite of living in the same city- Mumbai. During these talks, I could sense that something was going on in Dheeraj’s mind- some tentativeness- seemed like he wanted to talk about something but was hesitating.

“So what is it that you want to talk about?” I asked directly.

He gave a quizzical look- and then a sheepish smile. “ How did you know?”

“Guess when you have known people for that long, you figure out- right?”

“Ha ha….Om, you have been counseling people since almost the time I know you. I was wondering if you find people are more affected by loneliness now?”

I was keen to understand more of what was going in his head- so instead of responding, I just gave an encouraging smile.

He probably got the cue or maybe just the lack of any response from my side led him to believe that he needs to explain more.  “I get a feeling that people are lonelier these days in spite of being better connected”

“Why generalize? What are you experiencing”- I said. There was an equal measure of concern and curiosity in my voice.

“ I don’t really know….I mean…at one level, thanks to social media, I am much better aware of what’s happening in each other’s life, but once in a while, I really feel the need of having someone whom I could talk to…someone who understands what is going in my life…” he said slowly….sounding like a person not too sure of how to express himself clearly.

As a quick backdrop, in our younger days, Dheeraj was was fun to be with, had an amazing sense of humor and was an optimist of the first order. Over the years, I had seen some of the fun elements being replaced by more conscious thought possibly due to imposition of responsibilities, but he still remained one of the most “balanced” guy’s around. He was the first one amongst our friend circle to get married post a sweet school love story fructifying, had two lovely children and was a wonderful family man.

“Hmmmm…” I said…thinking through this in my mind.

Dheeraj carried on - “ I was wondering  whether it is just me, or is it a sign of the times….also, I read your article on mid-life crisis….and I was like….is that what’s affecting me…?I am already in my late thirties, though I would like to believe I do not look that old ! ” he said with a smile.

I smiled back “Let’s not get into terminology and jargon. The moot point is that you feel the need to express yourself and you are missing an appropriate audience”. I summarized.

“Yes-you have put it too simply- maybe bluntly! Pooja is busy with the kids and in her efforts to rebuild her career. Parents are ageing fast, generally having some physical worries, trying hard to get used to this dynamic and gadget-oriented world and I do not want to add to their concerns. Siblings and friends are all busy with their lives- and there is only so much that you can talk on phone right? I mean, let me take our example- we are the best of buddies, but how many times do we meet – and that too in a position where we can talk our hearts out? It has all become peripheral…I mean…nothing against any of us (he added tad defensively)- just the way life is moving….. !”

He was making complete sense. Not only him, many of my counselees, were going through this. They did not put it so clearly, partly because they did not realize it and partly because they could not admit it. However, their veiled references were enough for me to figure out that amongst others, they were craving for some non-judgemental audience, someone they could speak out to.

I could feel the irony of the situation for Dheeraj and the reason for his hesitation to begin with. On one hand, he had all people in his life who one would typically fall back upon in case of any pressing need. And yet, on a day to day basis, he had his moments of loneliness and the need for a friend. And I also realized, that Dheeraj’s was not a unique case- most of us (if not all), in varying degrees are going through this.

For once, I was not sure how to respond. At some level, I could visualize and rationalize what was going on in the lives of everyone around him, and that stopped me from trying to give any “gyaan”. Had it been someone distant, one could probably have talked about investing more in relationships or in oneself, but somehow these seemed shallow responses to a real and relatable situation.

Mate, this deserves more than just a coffee. How about a lunch in a fortnight and let’s answer this for you in detail?” I said.

“ Hey you can’t be doing this..he said, with disappointment on his face…”

“ The lunch is on me….you just find time…and in the meantime, I hope I will have some right things to talk about…” I winked !

“ Pakka se….” he grinned- probably having shared his loneliness making him feel a bit lighter !

Now, I have a fortnight for some tangible answers ! Please help me folks, with your suggestions and any points of view/ thoughts !